Director of Alarm Accountability

Are you someone who sets six alarms and doesn’t need a single one? We need you to hold others to that standard. As the Director of Alarm Accountability, you’ll turn sluggish risers into morning machines.

What You’ll Do:

• Conduct virtual “alarm audits” to spot weakness in wake-up routines.
• Assign wake-up challenges: “One alarm. One shot. Do or snooze not.”
• Personally check in on high-risk snoozers (via calls, texts, or aggressive meme sharing).
• Develop weekly reports: “The Great Snooze Crime Report” to track offenders.

You Bring:

• No mercy for snooze buttons or weak alarms.
• A degree in Tough Love and a diploma in Early Riser Confidence.
• The ability to send motivational wake-up messages at lightning speed.

Warning: This job involves occasional yelling through text and gifs.